Remember the GameCube? That means you should stop gaming.

The spinning of the disk, sputtering along, it might be working? The thunderous drops of a grey cube one by one until it hits the spin cycle, you know what I am talking about. The GameCube. While there were plenty consoles that featured a diverse choice of marvelous games, The GameCube was my first. It was simple, the disks were tiny, but there was always that chance that the cubes wouldn’t drop right. Leaving you nothing to do but restart the game and hope for the best.

Recently I realized that while I am vastly in love with the updates in the gaming technology, yes I have a PS4 and two Xbox 1’s. It isn’t the same. I remember firing up my first GameCube and getting going on some Super Smash Bro’s or maybe some Tony Hawk and all worries were gone. THE NUMBER 1 DIFFERENCE, you didn’t need to play with anyone else. Online gaming was simply a concept being tested a few years later and all I needed was the myself and that tv. No screaming at the tv over a Fortnite glitch, cussing out a 12-year-old simply because he’s better than you (despite the fact you still probably play more than him) or connection issues. None of that, just a couple of kids sitting crisscross apple sauce only about eight feet from the tv. (We all had wireless controllers, but we had stolen all the batteries out of every remote in the upstairs, and were just out of AA at all times).

            Then came my love for Xbox and Wii. The Wii was just fun, and I used to sit at my dad’s and play the original Xbox for days. I even had one of the controllers that was clear, so you could see the inside of the controller, also made it very easy to see any left-over food particles, as I ate in that chair often. Playing games like Spiderman, Madagascar, and driving backwards on NASCAR (If you didn’t make your friends race and you go around backwards wrecking everyone, you probably missed out). The world was simple, NCAA football release date was better than Christmas and I was at Game Stop multiple times for a midnight release.

            Then everything changed, Xbox 360 was graced upon us like God gave Eve that apple tree. Opening up the world of twelve-year-old dominance on Call of Duty and Halo, sweet God. Hours upon hours turned into days upon days, the addiction was unbelievable. In total, on the 5 Call of Duty games that I owned on 360, there were about 39 days of gameplay. 39 damn days of my life, spent fighting on deployment after deployment, still with no medal of honor. Along with this came the aggressive no life young men who attacked you (I am now one of those as I write this), and the tyranny. The mass insults, fights and complete destroying of life through online Xbox gaming, lead to the clinical depression in our country. Had we stayed the course, with these tedious, intriguing consoles that might not work. We wouldn’t have a crippled country that relies on attacking people through a screen, yeah, I said it.

            With Fortnite being cited in over 200 divorce hearings and my recent toe injury involving me kicking my dresser with distress over that stupid game (I’ll probably play later), it’s time we as men, DOUBLE DOWN AND PREORDER CALL OF DUTY. IF YOU THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO WRITE ALL OF THIS AND WRITE ABOUT HOW THE GAMING INDUSTRY IS DYING, PLEASE SEE THE DOOR NOW. Xbox 360 shaped the man I am today, which isn’t much, but we now seek a fantasy world to escape our clinical depression, which is still gaming.

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