The Crucifixion of the Mazda

Resting in my bed late last night, I was worried my guerrilla warfare was going to be shot down quickly by The University. My morning was going swell, in fact a few minutes early. I drive through two parking lots and appear to spot my eyes on an open parking spot. As water in the lone dessert is to a lost Indonesian traveler; my eyes too light up at the thought of a quick great spot. Now here is where I realized I no longer need to worry about my efforts being tased down quickly. With this campus, parking never fails to solidify itself as the worst character trait to this school. Despite the homeless men wandering around trying to find the food bank, occasionally finding themselves asking too bum a smoke in the middle of campus.

When I finally arrive at the spot, I see a criminal offense, by a man, whose bumper stickers seems to show he is also lost. First off, this MAZDA was taking up two spots. Blocking anyone from parking in a incredibly valuable spot. This spot is probably, by true statistical estimations, worth about $300 a day. This is the idea that ten people could use this spot or get ticketed $30.

When it comes to the bumper stickers, I return to the fact that this, clearly a man, is lost. A female would never leave a car like this, no matter how “behind to class” she is. Buddy, it takes 13 seconds, about as long as my first fornication, to back up and fix this. Secondly, this guy clearly thinks his Mazda is similar to an Audi R8. When you put a Mazda sticker, on a Mazda, it shows us one thing and one thing only: you’re a tool. Not the worst kind of tool, those are people with personalized licensing plates. But yet the type of guy that speeds out of work, with his Mazda exonerating a noise of a sewing machine. An illuminati-ish sticker? You aren’t in the Illuminati, pal. We come to this conclusion because you drive a Mazda. The rest of stickers show us this kind likes to signal point to take a Snapchat, he owns a hiking backpack and the extra pockets help him coordinate his classes.

We as the people, the commoners and the community cannot stand for his. I call for towing of his vehicle by utc, they have not allowed anyone to get away with a simple mistake. How can they let this man walk? This is a felony crime!!

Petition will be posted to fight UTC Parking Services in the coming days.

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